As an occupational therapist, I often witness the importance of self-regulation in children's lives. Self regulation has become a bit of buzz-word lately, and is strongly tied to child development - it is the ability to recognise my body’s signs and signals, identify the emotion my body is trying to tell me and then put a strategy in place to bring my body back to being calm. When explaining this in child-friendly imagery, I like to say that it's like having an internal traffic light system guiding us through life's ups and downs. Common language for this in the therapy world or in schools is often called “Zones of Regulation”.
Understanding this concept and how to cultivate it in children is crucial for their overall well-being and success.
What is Self-Regulation and the Zones of Regulation System?
Just as a traffic light controls the flow of traffic, self-regulation helps children navigate their emotions and behaviours - and using an easy to relate to image of an actual traffic light helps our clients more easily understand the steps of emotional regulation. Regulation involves recognising the body’s signs and signals, identifying the emotion the body is trying to tell them and then putting a strategy in place to bring their body back to being calm. However, we need to remember that self-regulation isn't about suppressing emotions or being passive. Instead, it's about managing emotions constructively and adapting to different situations.
Why Do Some Kids Struggle with Self-Regulation?
Several factors can make self-regulation difficult for children. Neurological differences, sensory processing issues, stress, trauma, and inconsistent routines can all affect a child's ability to manage emotions. Developmental delays and learning differences may also present challenges. Understanding these influences is key to offering the right support. Since self-regulation develops through regular co-regulation with trusted adults, it's important to model this often in the child’s environment.
How Do We Teach Self-Regulation Skills?
We teach self-regulation to children by frequently modeling co-regulation techniques, guiding them through emotional moments. This process helps them expand their "window of tolerance," where they can manage emotions without feeling overwhelmed. Using the Zones of Regulation, we teach children to recognise their emotional states by identifying whether they’re in the blue, green, yellow, or red zone. Importantly, no zone is "wrong." The goal is for the child to identify where they are so they can begin to regulate back to the green zone, where they feel calm and ready to learn or participate.
At times, it’s necessary to meet children where they are emotionally, matching their energy level to validate their feelings before guiding them back to calm. This "yoyoing" approach helps them feel understood, which is key to de-escalation. If we stay entirely calm without validating their heightened emotions, it can sometimes make them feel dismissed, escalating the situation further. By meeting them in their state and then gradually helping them move toward regulation, we show them that their feelings are valid while also teaching them how to return to a place of calm.
Here’s a list of regulation strategies for parents to help children manage their emotions effectively:
Shred It: Encourage your child to release their frustration by ripping, tearing, scrunching, or throwing paper. This provides an outlet for anger or frustration without physically lashing out at others. Key tip: Designate a specific spot for the paper you’re happy for them to shred, and let them know about this spot when they’re calm. This allows them to access it when they feel heightened. You may need to model this first to show them how it works.
Ice Play: Give your child some ice to catch, suck, chew, hold, or throw. The cold temperature helps calm the nervous system, making this an excellent regulation tool. Key tip: Make it an outdoor game to avoid mess, and encourage them to focus on the feel of the ice to help shift their attention.
Blow Out the Candles: This is a simple breathing exercise that can be done anywhere, with no equipment. Hold up 3-5 fingers and ask your child to "blow out the candles" by taking a deep breath and blowing on each finger as if it's a candle. You can sing “Happy Birthday” or just make it playful. Key tip: If they’re struggling to engage, take a deep breath and say, "We need to do it quick before I run out of air!"—this often gets kids involved.
These strategies are easy to implement and offer a healthy way for kids to release tension, calm their bodies, and return to a more regulated state.
The Zones: A Tool for Emotional Regulation
The zones of regulation system is a visual metaphor commonly used to teach children about emotional regulation. This simple colour coded system helps children recognise and manage their emotions.
Blue Zone
The blue zone represents low energy or feelings of sadness, tiredness, or boredom. Children in the blue zone may feel slow, uninterested, or not ready to engage. It’s a state where their body and brain need a bit of a boost to feel more awake or focused.
Green Zone
The green zone is the ideal state for learning and participating. It represents being calm, focused, and ready to listen and engage. Children in the green zone feel happy, content, and balanced. This is where they can do their best work and interact well with others.
Yellow Zone
The yellow zone signals a heightened state of alertness, but not out of control. Children in the yellow zone may feel anxious, excited, frustrated, or silly. They have more energy than the green zone but need to be mindful of managing it before it becomes overwhelming.
Red Zone
The red zone is when a child is experiencing intense emotions like anger, fear, or extreme frustration. They may feel out of control, and their body and brain are in a state of high alert. In the red zone, self-regulation becomes difficult, and it’s important to use strategies to calm down.
How Does the Zones of Regulation System Work?
The zones of emotional regulation system provides a simple framework for children to identify and regulate their emotions:
Recognise Emotions: Teach children to recognise how they're feeling and identify which zone they're in based on their emotions and physical sensations.
Choose Strategies: Choosing and practicing regulation strategies is crucial in helping children manage their emotions effectively. Strategies like deep breathing, counting to ten, or taking a break can help kids move toward the green zone, where they feel calm and ready to engage. It's important to model these strategies through co-regulation, showing children how to use them when emotions are high. For example, when a child is frustrated, you can guide them to take deep breaths alongside you or help them count to ten. By practicing these techniques together regularly, children learn how to apply them independently over time, building their ability to self-regulate.
Monitor Progress: Monitoring a child's progress from co-regulation to self-regulation involves observing how they engage with and use the strategies over time. In the early stages, children may need adult guidance to calm down, such as helping them breathe deeply or take breaks. As they grow more familiar with these techniques, you'll notice them starting to pick the strategies themselves or identifying when they need to use them. A key sign of progress is when the child begins to independently implement a strategy, like stepping away when they feel overwhelmed or counting to ten on their own. By tracking these moments, you can gauge how well they are transitioning toward self-regulation. The ultimate goal is for the child to recognize their emotional state and apply the right tool without prompting, showing increasing independence in managing their emotions.
Why Use the Zones of Regulation System?
The zones of emotional regulation system offers several benefits for teaching emotional regulation:
Visual Representation: The colour-coded system provides a clear and easy-to-understand visual representation of emotions, making it accessible for children of all ages and abilities.
Empowerment: By understanding their emotions and learning how to regulate them, children feel empowered to let people know how they are feeling and start to change how their body is feeling.
Consistency: Consistent use of this system creates a shared language for discussing emotions and promotes a supportive and inclusive environment where everyone understands and respects each other's feelings. This system is also incorporated in school environments too so using it at home creates a consistent approach.
Practice Helps Develop Self-Regulation
Practicing and modeling co-regulation when children are dysregulated is crucial for their emotional development and helps to increase their window of tolerance—the capacity to manage emotions without becoming overwhelmed. During heightened emotional moments, children often need support in calming down and returning to a regulated state. By co-regulating, such as breathing with them, validating their feelings, or guiding them through calming strategies, you help them learn how to manage their emotions. This consistent practice not only teaches them the skills needed for self-regulation but also gradually builds their ability to tolerate more challenging situations. Over time, with repeated co-regulation, children become better equipped to handle stress and frustration independently, expanding their resilience and emotional flexibility.
Help Kids Become Self-Reflective
Teaching children to be self-reflective about their emotional regulation involves guiding them to identify and understand their emotions after they have calmed down, rather than during a moment of escalation. Asking reflective, interocepetive questions once they are regulated helps them connect their feelings to physical sensations and reactions. For example, you might ask, "How did that make your body feel?" or "Did your body get really tight?" to help them recognise signs of stress or frustration. Additionally, you could ask, "What were you thinking about right before you started feeling upset?" This approach encourages children to reflect on their experiences and learn how to manage their emotions more effectively in the future.
Factors Assisting Children to Develop the Capacity to Self-Regulate
Supporting a child’s self-regulation involves creating a supportive and safe environment, where regular and frequent modeling and support for co-regulation are essential. Consistent routines and clear expectations help children understand what to expect, making it easier for them to manage their emotions. Positive reinforcement encourages and acknowledges their efforts to regulate, while having a regulated parent serves as a crucial model for emotional control. As Karen Young emphasises, a child’s brain first asks, "Am I safe?" and "Am I loved?" and only when the answer to these is “yes” will it then be ready to ask “What can I learn?” By ensuring these foundational needs are met, children are better able to regulate their emotions and engage in learning, knowing they are secure and valued.
How Can Occupational Therapists Help with Self Regulation?
Paediatric Occupational Therapists help children develop regulation skills through personalised interventions. They assess each child’s sensory processing and emotional responses, then use sensory activities and self-regulation techniques, such as deep breathing or mindfulness, to support their development. Therapists also work closely with children to practice these skills and provide parent coaching to trial various strategies, finding what works best for the child and incorporating it into co-regulation. Additionally, they teach interoception through engaging, play-based activities, helping children understand and interpret body signals linked to emotions, which enhances their self-awareness and ability to regulate emotions.
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